ask them anything: the last of us
by Bent thumb productions
Summary: The main characters of 2013's game of the year (don't even try to convince me otherwise) sit down with yours truly to answer any and all of your questions
1. Introduction

The lights turn on, revealing your host for this Q&A, sitting in a directors chair with 8 empty chairs next to him

**Narrator**: ladies and gentleman, he is extremely handsome, he has a 7 pack of abs and perfect teeth and-

The narrator gets slapped hard in the back of the head

**Narrator**: ow, Okay, he's average at best, the CEO, COO, producer, janitor and everything else of bent thumb productions, Mitch!

**Mitch**: thanks for that totally true introduction mr narrator, except I only have a 6 pack, but that's off topic, we're here for the first ever bent thumb Q&A, this time we'll be interviewing the cast of my Favorite game of 2013 and perhaps the greatest game of the last console generation, the last of us

**Mitch**: now how this will work is, you can ask questions in your review or in a private message, there will be 5 questions asked and answered each chapter, you can ask up to 3 questions each time, the people on our Q&A will of course be Joel and Ellie, as well as Tommy, Marlene, Tess, Bill, Sarah and Maria

**Mitch**: remember that you can ask them anything, nothing is off limits, there's no treading on thin ice here.


	2. Chapter 1: meeting my idol

AN: keep in mind, most of these answers are non-cannon

Mitch: hello dear readers and all of these nameless, faceless people in the crowd, I am Mitch and this is the first ever Ask Them Anything!

Crowd is politely clapping and one guy cheers, but he is not very enthusiastic about it

Mitch: I'll win you over. As you already know, we're interrogating, I mean questioning the cast of the last of us, and they are with us right now. to my right, my idol, Joel

Joel waves to the crowd for a brief second before turning and facing Mitch

Joel: did you say idol?

Mitch looks at his idol with a goofy fangirl-like grin on his face

Mitch: yes, you are the most awesome guy I've ever seen, and I've only shaved twice since I played the game because I want a beard just like yours, and you're a badass and I want to be just like you when I grow up and-

Joel: alright, alright, I get it!

Mitch: moving on, next to Joel is baby girl number 2, Ellie

Ellie: is that all I get?

Mitch: I couldn't think of something to say okay, I was focusing on Joel's beard, I promise to focus on the task at hand from now on. to her right is former firefly and current resident of Jackson, Wyoming, Tommy

Tommy: nothing funny for me?

Mitch: what do you expect of me?, I'm not a comedian, right next door is tommy's wife, who if you ask me, looks disturbingly like a grown up Sarah, Maria

Everyone looks at Maria

Maria: I don't see it

Sarah: me neither

Mitch: that's because you can't see yourself

Ellie: holy shit, that's creepy

Tommy: what makes you think that?

Mitch: I don't know, it's probably just me. Moving on, she's the reason Joel and Ellie went on their epic quest in the first place, and I can only guess, is a former flame of Joel, Tess

Tess: we didn't date

Mitch: what are your sources?

Mitch opens his laptop to check the last of us wiki  
Mitch: Joel did you and Tess date?

Joel chuckles

Joel: what we had was definitely not dating, we were just partners

Mitch finds something on the wiki

Mitch: in more ways than one

Tess: what was that!?

Mitch: nothing!. Up next, we have the original baby girl, Sarah

Sarah: what do you mean original?

Mitch: ask your father

Joel gets nervous trying to explain his and Ellie's situation

Joel: well, no one can replace you, but-

Sarah: you had another daughter?

Joel: no she's not my daughter, she's my-

Sarah: dad, she's like 40 years younger than you, that's disgusting

Joel: no she's not my-, we're complicated, and I'm not that old!

Mitch: what a happy reunion. Next up we have the worlds most paranoid mechanic, Bill

Bill: I'm not paranoid, everyone else just isn't careful enough!

Mitch: understood, I suppose if everyone were like you, the cordyceps never would've destroyed the world as we know it, on the other hand, if everyone were like you, it would be destroyed some other way. Last but not least, we have a glorified terrorist who tried to 'save mankind', Marlene

Marlene: we could've saved the world

Mitch: no you couldn't, someone cover Ellie's ears

Joel covers Ellie's ears

Mitch: first of all, it was only a theory that Ellie's brain could create a vaccine. And even if it would create a vaccine, what makes you think your rag-tag team of doctors could pull off the surgery, a team of the best doctors and scientists on planet earth, maybe, but definitely not them. And even if they successfully created a vaccine, who's to say you wouldn't keep it to yourselves. AND even if you didn't, how could you manufacture it and transport it around the country without it being stolen by bandits. and even if you could do all that, is the world really worth saving by that point, with about 75% of humanity being killers, thieves and rapists. Joel did the right thing and I'm glad he put a bullet in your head. Joel, Ellie can listen now!

Joel takes his hands off of Ellie's ears

Ellie: what were you talking about?

Mitch: nothing

Joel: yeah, just beard stuff, don't worry about it

Mitch picks up a burlap sack full of letters

Mitch: well now that everyone has been introduced and I've finished my rant, we can move onto the questions, our first question is from bent thumb productions, and it is for Joel, how do you make your beard so beautiful?

Joel: shouldn't you be asking other people's questions?

Mitch: of course, I just needed to know

Joel: in the world we live in, my beard is the least of my worries

Mitch: so... Don't shave

Joel: pretty much

Mitch: okay, thank you for the tip sir. Moving on, our first EVER reader question comes from a guest, Ellie, are you into girls?

Ellie: what the fuck is that supposed to mean!?

Mitch: I still haven't gotten around to playing left behind, but I assume he/she is talking about when you kissed Riley

Ellie: I'm not sure, she's the only person I ever felt strongly about in that way, I don't know what I like yet, certainly doesn't help that if I kiss anyone again they'll probably get infected

Mitch: that's gotta suck, it's interesting to note that after hearing that, most girls would still rather kiss you than me

forever alone;(

Mitch: our next question is asked by CookieCrush, she has a question for Tommy, how did you and Maria tie the knot?

Tommy: I had been living in Jackson for about a year, me and Maria had been together for most of that. I decided that I wanted to ask her to marry me, but of course there's no way people can officially get married anymore. So I just asked her if we could just start saying we were married, she wouldn't have any of it, we had to have a ceremony in the town hall that was attended only by her dad, no rings or nothing, we just said I do and it was over in about 15 goddamn seconds

Maria: and then he found a wedding ring on a dead runner and tried to give it to me

Tommy: what's so bad about that?

Maria: it was from an infected, that's disgusting

Tommy: it worked on TV

Mitch: exactly, sometimes girls are just too picky, moving on, our next question comes to us from someone named MCLTB, he/she is curious about two things, here's the first one. Sarah, where did you get the money for Joel's watch, and if you really are a drug dealer, can he/she have some?

Sarah: I saved up the money for about 2 years, everything from my allowance to gift certificates I got from playing soccer. But no drugs sadly, I got caught before I could make any money with that

Mitch: the second question is for bill, what did you get in return for helping Joel and Tess smuggle stuff?

Bill: what?, people can't do stuff out of the kindness of their hearts anymore?

Mitch: I'm actually quite curious, what did you get?

Bill: I got whatever shit those two could find along the way, for cars and defenses, and an I.D and a few ration cards, in case things got too bad and I had to relocate to Boston

Mitch: and they have a question for me, someone sent me a question, and that question is: where is David, well he didn't have much of interest to say, plus he creeps me out and I don't want him within a 500 mile radius of me, or Ellie for that matter.

Mitch: one more question, it is from Wolfblood109, he/she asks Ellie why she didn't call Joel dad at the end?

Ellie: because he's not my father, we're not father and daughter, I don't think we're best friends, and we're definitely not together Sarah. Like Joel said, we're complicated

Mitch: Unfortunately, that's all the time we have for today, 5 reader questions is the limit for a chapter right now, but it may change at some point, we'll see you next time on ask them anything!

The crowd is cheering slightly louder now

Mitch: now you're getting it!

AN: thanks for all the questions, don't expect daily chapters, I'm just on a roll at the moment, also you get a big pat on the back if you spotted the walking dead reference


	3. Chapter 2: Ellie discovers soda

AN: shorter chapter than the last one, but a lot of the last one was spent introducing the panel, also, don't expect daily updates, I'm still on a roll

Mitch: welcome back, I'm here with my best friends in the whole world, the cast of the last of us

Marlene: we're not your friends

Mitch: you certainly aren't, Bob, the sack!

Someone off screen throws the burlap sack full of letters at Mitch and he catches it

Mitch: wolfblood109 is asking Ellie that all important question, do you like soda?

Ellie: I've only heard of it, I've never had any

Mitch: Well, i can't go a day without this stuff

Mitch passes a can of coca cola over to Ellie, but she can't seem to open it

Ellie: how do you open this thing?

Joel takes the can and opens it, he passes it back to Ellie, who takes a sip

Ellie: this is fucking awesome

She drinks the whole can in one gulp

Ellie: I'm gonna go get another one

Ellie walks over to catering

Mitch: I guess we won't have any Ellie questions for a while, Lady Viola Delesseps sent in a question for you Joel, a joke actually. An atom loses an electron and tells his friend about it. His friend says, "Whoa? Are you sure?" What does the first atom say?

Joel: no clue

Mitch: the first atom says... I don't know, Bob!

Bob shows up

Bob: yes sir

Mitch: find out the answer to this joke, and don't return until you have the answer

Bob: yes sir

Bob leaves

Mitch: forGG, had three questions, one was for Ellie so that will have to wait until she gets back, but here are the others, both for Joel. Joel, do you feel like you made the right choice in the end? If Ellie was in some kind of life threatening danger, would you go as far as to sacrifice your own life to save her?

Joel: is Ellie coming back anytime soon?

Mitch: probably not

Joel: okay, I didn't think about what I was doing in that hospital, I realized what they were gonna do to her, and after that all I saw was red, if I could go back and change the way I handled things, I still wouldn't, I handled the situation the only way I could, and I'd do it again if it I needed to

Marlene: you're a monster

Joel: proud of it, and I would definitely give my life for hers

Mitch: before things get too heated here, I'll ask the second question, Joel, how do you feel about puppies?

Joel: I like them, Ellie's hellbent on gettin' one too, got any in town, Tommy?

Tommy: I'll look into it

Joel: great

Mitch: one more question guys and before we get to that, many have asked where Riley is, I haven't played left behind yet, but since I have remastered on the ps4, I'll get around to it very soon and after I've played it, I'll think about adding her to the panel.

Mitch: and that last question I was talking about, here it is, it is from MCLTB. Bill, What were the favors that you owed Joel?

Bill: what is the rating on this thing

Mitch: T for teen I think, just don't say it if it's bad enough to get us thrown off the air

Bill: I was passing through New York City, and I got caught by these bandits, they were about to put a bullet in me when one of them said I might be able to be of some use, I told them I was a mechanic, so they had me fix some stuff up and they would take all of my stuff and send me on my way in the morning. that guy who vouched for me woke me up in the middle of the night, he told me his name was Joel and that he was looking for a way out after tommy over there left his sorry ass, it turns out he needed a car to get some good distance between him and those sick fucks. On our way out, Joel alerted them-

Joel: you alerted them

Bill: okay I blew our cover and Joel managed to kill them all, he had decided earlier that he was never gonna kill anyone ever again and look how that turned out. We got out and headed to Boston, he got very pissed about the whole thing and told me that I owed him one

Mitch: and that's 5 questions, we'll be back soon and so will Ellie, goodnight everybody

AN: I would like to thank anyone and everyone who reviewed and asked questions, I've rebooted this account about 5 times and I already know that I won't have to do it again


	4. Chapter 3: Joel is Tickish?

AN: I'm back, this show will go on regardless of some controversy, to everyone concerned (even though there aren't many) don't worry, this story won't end just because of a few trolls

Mitch: ladies and gentleman, it is my burden to inform you that the show is cancelled effective immediately... Just kidding, all of our guests are back again, some I'm happy to see, some not so much, but it's all gonna be gonna be worth it in the end, because i truly enjoy writing this

Mitch: but before we start, I wanna tell you all about something I'm truly NOT enjoying right now: bowling. I love it, it's my favorite sport, but recently while playing it in gym class, they added a bunch of (in my opinion) useless rules that only make the game more frustrating, I'm talking specifically about handicaps, if you ask me, it just gives one player an unfair advantage, it's a stupid rule

Mitch winks at camera

Joel: yeah it is

Joel chuckles

Ellie: some rules are just fucking stupid if you ask me

Ellie grins

Tommy: bad rules just make stuff unenjoyable for everyone

Tommy crosses his arms

Tess: some rules really do make no sense

Tess shook her head

Bill: rules are made to be broken

Bill shrugs

The burlap sack materializes out of thin air in Mitch's hands

Mitch: I'm glad you all agree, let's get onto the questions shall we?. Ellie has two questions from ForGG, well several, but all except for one seem to fit together, so we'll count them all as one. So Ellie, how did you feel at the end of your journey with Joel? Could you sense he wasn't being truthful with you, and did that make you angry? Do you trust him with your life, and would you have preferred to make this journey with somebody else?

Ellie: It felt good to finally be done with all that traveling and constantly having to look over my shoulders, but I can't enjoy it because I could tell Joel was hiding something from me, and it makes me mad that he's bullshitting me like this. But I'd still trust this old coot with my life, for now

Joel: I'm not old

Ellie: how old are you then?

Joel: I am-

Mitch covers Joel's mouth

Mitch: I'm afraid the guests don't ask the questions, go on Ellie

Ellie: at first, I definitely would've preferred to make the journey with Marlene or even Tess over Joel, because we didn't exactly make a good first impression, but I grew fond of him over time and now I realise that no one else could've got me through the journey

Mitch: and the second question for Ellie, Is that your natural hair color?

Ellie: of course it is, how could it not be

Mitch holds up a can of hair dye

Mitch: hair dye

Ellie: what the hell is that?

Mitch: changes your hair color

Ellie: why would you want to?

Tess: fashion

Joel: kinda like how people used to starve themselves

Ellie: that's stupid, why can't people just be happy with who they are?

Mitch: amen. Looks like someone finally sent Marlene a question, I can see why a terrorist would get so few questions

Marlene: fuck off

Mitch: I shall (whatever that means). But first, here's your question from XxxAyakixxX. How did you and Anna meet? And how did she die? Was she like Ellie?

Marlene: we met in the fireflies, she died a day after Ellie was born, insisted on completing a mission, she and some others went to a military base and shot the place up, unfortunately for her, she was still very weak from giving birth and she was shot and killed very quickly. Also she was just like Ellie in a lot of ways, mostly because both of them are stubborn as a mule

Mitch: onto the next question

Mitch puts on a sly grin

Mitch: Joel, I'mTooooLazy asks, Are you ticklish?

Joel: no!

Joel May have said that a little too fast and loud

Mitch: I think you're lying

Tommy: he is, trust me

Mitch: get him!

Before Joel could run, Maria, bill and Tess were holding Joel down

Mitch: who would like to do the honors?

Tommy, Sarah and Ellie all raise their hands

Mitch: you kids have fun

All three start tickling Joel all over

Joel: I'll get y'all for this, you motherfuckers!

Marlene remains seated, clearly disinterested by what was going on in the studio

Mitch: party pooper. All right, everyone settle down, because we have one more question and it is for Joel. Wolfblood109 asks, why do you never take off your shoes?

Joel: well for one, they're my only pair, so if I have to go underwater to do something, I just have to deal with wet, cold shoes for the next few days

Mitch: what a nightmare, thanks to everyone who has read this all the way up until this point, and to anyone starting to read right now, regardless of what category you fall into, I'll be happy to see you again on ask them anything: the last of us.


	5. Chapter 4: The Early Christmas Special

AN: I must admit, I've sorta lost interest in this story, not so much that I absolutely could not stand to write another chapter, but enough where I really can't be bothered unless people are reading it and enjoying it, it also doesn't help that I only have 7 questions left to use.

I promise that I'm not one of those guys who holds the story hostage by demanding reviews, but with a story like this, I kinda have to.

So if you are reading this and if you have any questions, any at all, it would be the only way for this story to continue.

I'm going all out with this one, using all the questions I have left in storage, I'm going to need at least 5 questions to do another chapter.

Mitch: this the end

Mitch puts his arm around Joel's shoulder and starts swaying

Mitch: my only friend, the end-

Marlene: stop being such a drama queen

Mitch: come on Marley, this could be the last time we see each other, can we at least get along this time?, like in all those Christmas specials where the good guys and bad guys put aside their differences for just one episode

A light bulb appears over Mitch's head and snaps his fingers

Mitch: that's exactly what we're gonna do, Bob, change the set!

Bob: yes sir

Mitch: wait!, you weren't supposed to be back until you found the answer for that joke

Bob: yes sir

Bob walks off

Sarah: are you sure he didn't want to put that aside for one episode?

Mitch: Well if you ask me, he's a slacker that doesn't deserve early Christmas special dinner with us. It's been weeks, maybe even months since I asked him to find the punchline for that joke and he has yet to do anything about it. Anyway, it's about time someone changed the set, I recommend you all stand up for a second

Everyone stands up and Mitch snaps his fingers, suddenly the set changed and appeared more like the inside of a log cabin, the directors chairs had disappeared and had been replaced with a long wooden table with lots of candles and a cooked turkey in the middle

Mitch: this looks more like thanksgiving to me, but it'll have to do, everyone please take your seats

Everyone sits down

Mitch: our first early christmas special dinner question is from a guest asking the whereabouts of Henry and Sam, just like David, I didn't think they'd have much of interest to say. Our second question comes to us by way of a user named Niddur, who asks the following: if Joel were to get married to Esther how would you respond, Sarah?

Sarah: I think that at this point, it's been almost 30 years since my mom left us, he's had more than enough time on his own and I think he deserves to do whatever makes him happy

Joel: well actually, I don't have much interest in marrying her, there ain't nothing wrong with her, I'm just not marriage material at this point and Tommy's just trying to force her on me

Tommy: Esther's a good woman, she'd be great for you

Joel: It doesn't matter if she's my goddamn soulmate little brother, all I need in my life is this little lady right here

Joel roughs up Ellie's hair

Ellie: thanks Joel

Sarah: ahem

Joel: that little lady too, even if she is a ghost

Mitch: ahem

Joel: and what would I do without my number 1 fan?

Mitch: the second question of the night is from wolfblood109, this has to be a very difficult thing for a parent to hear, but Joel, If you could, would you go back and save Sarah or keep Ellie and live with Sarah's death?

Joel breaths a massive sigh

Joel: I'm sorry, I just can't choose

Mitch: that's alright

Sarah: dad, It's okay for you to choose Ellie, being a ghost is kinda cool

Joel: well if Sarah's here anyway, I may as well pick to keep Ellie alive

Ellie: fuck yeah!

Mitch: this question comes from Jglyjthgj, Ellie, did you have any siblings?

Ellie: I don't think so, Marlene?

Marlene: she didn't, at least not from her mom

Mitch: so there's a possibility of half siblings?, what if I'm Ellie's half-brother?, nope, i don't actually live in your crazy fungus world, same goes for my dad as far as I know. What if Joel actually IS Ellie's father?

Joel: not a chance

Mitch: alright, there goes that fan theory. This question comes from wolfblood109, Ellie, what is your favorite food?

Ellie: I've never really thought about it, but the first thing that comes to mind is hamburgers, Jackson just did something, forget what was it called, a barbecue or something?

Maria: yep, that's right

Ellie: good, those were badass

Mitch: well, what do we have here? Another Ellie question, well little miss I'm-so-popular, MCLTB wants to know if could tell us some stuff you did at the boarding school?

Ellie: school work, training to kill fireflies-

Mitch: great program

Ellie: but if you meant stuff I did without being told. This one time, in the middle of the night, I was woken up by what I thought was an infected, but it was Riley-

Mitch: we already know that one

Ellie: how?

Mitch: DLC

Ellie: what the hell is that?

Mitch: don't worry, just tell another one

Ellie: okay. So in training, they made us use BBs instead of real guns because they thought we couldn't be trusted with real ones, and one time, we were given water guns instead of BBs because we had been banned from using them for spending the whole last session shooting at rats. We thought it was ridiculous that they gave us water guns for training, but they must have thought it was better than nothing, they also assigned a new guard to watch us the whole time, so we all turned the water guns on him and soaked the fucker from head to toe, the best part was that most of the other guards thought it was funny, so we didn't even get in trouble

Mitch: I wish I could have done that in the sixth grade, let's see how you like getting humiliated in front of the whole class Mr. Surry!

There is an awkward moment of silence until Mitch regains his composure

Mitch: moving on, our final question for tonight is also for little miss popular-pants, "how did you get that awesome scar?" Wolfblood109 asks

Ellie: I got into a fight with someone at my first boarding school

Mitch: really?, that's all?

Ellie: yeah, what's so strange about that?

Mitch: Neil Druckmann said there was a story behind it

Ellie: that was a story, and who's Neil Druckmann?

Mitch: never mind. That's all for today folks, and possibly forever if I don't get more questions

The entire crowd and panel laugh at this

Mitch: haha, but in all seriousness, Mitch reminding you to help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered, goodnight everybody!


	6. Chapter 5: The naughty dog connection

As we open the chapter, there are balloons and streamers falling from the ceiling

Mitch: I am proud to announce that the show will go on. thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, the most reviews a chapter has gotten so far, it accounts for almost half of the overall reviews and I won't have to worry about running out of questions for a very, very long time (But don't let that stop you from sending more). If it weren't for all of you, we would've have to pull a PBS and open up the phone lines

Mitch: wolfblood109 would like to know something about you Joel, and that is, do you like swimming?

Joel looks over at Ellie

Joel: used to love swimming back before all this, I still do when I ain't pushing a pallet around

Ellie: I've learnt how to swim Joel!

Joel: hey, ain't no one happier than me about that

Mitch: our next question is a Bill question from Thisguy, do you still hate Ellie's guts?

Bill: hate is a strong word, I dislike her a lot, same goes for everyone else except for a select few. If I really hated her, she'd have been dead after she hit me with that pipe

Mitch: so she's on your bad side, not your worse side, do you have a good side?

Bill: people can't afford to have a good side anymore

Mitch: all my sides are good. ELLIERILEYLOVERS asks Joel the question I've been dying to know for as long as I can remember, how old are you?

Joel smirks

Joel: okay, it's between 1 and 100

Mitch: 48

Joel's expression changes from smug to shocked

Joel: how did you?!

Mitch: lucky guess, now we know! muhahahahaha

Mitch: this next question is from me, well not me me, but someone named me who sent in a question. Me asks Marlene, if you were infected, would you give your life up?

Marlene: If I were around those I care about, I would give up, but around you?, I'd let myself turn

Mitch: that was uncalled for, you know if you want to leave, the door's right there

Marlene: and it's got a security guard in front of it that stopped me from leaving earlier

There is a tall, muscular, dark skinned man with a minigun where his arm should be who is blocking the door

Mitch: I'm sure your little terrorist friends could help you get past him

Marlene sighs

Marlene: I am so over this

Mitch: I'm not, this is great. But I'm afraid we have to wrap this up after one more question, Sarah, what are some father/daughter things you did with Joel?

Sarah: we went on a lot of hikes, practiced soccer, went to the movies and played video games

Mitch: really? I thought Joel hated video games

Joel: what gave ya that idea?

Mitch: when you and Ellie were talking about that arcade machine in Lincoln, you said you weren't fond of them

Joel: I meant that I'm not fond of arcade machines. My favorite games were the original Crash Bandicoot games , the Jak And Daxter series and the uncharted series

Mitch: I'm sensing a pattern there,

Joel: really?, they don't seem to have much in common

Mitch: regardless, this episode is over!, episode... I like the sound of that, Bob!

Bob walks on set

Bob: yes sir

Mitch: I want all of the chapters henceforth to be known as episodes

Bob: yes sir

Bob walks off set

Mitch: ooh, a quick announcement before we finish, Riley will be on the panel starting next episode, I'll be sure to finish left behind before then, that's all folks.


	7. Episode 6: The Early Valentine's Special

Mitch: mood lighting!

The lights are turned off

Mitch: candles!

The dark room is illuminated by candles

Mitch: bring in the tables!

A quartet of ninjas bring in 5 tables with 2 chairs for each, they place an ice bucket on each table and place a wine bottle in it

Mitch pulls out a clipboard

Mitch: excellent. Now here are the seating arrangements, Tommy and Maria, Joel and Tess, Ellie and special guest Sam, and the the last table is bill, Marlene and Sarah

Everyone takes their seats

Ellie: dude, we have an extra seat

Mitch: it's there for a reason actually, and that reason is we will see the debut of a new panelist right here tonight

Guy in crowd: it's Riley

Mitch: how did you know?

Guy in the crowd: I used the Internet

Mitch angrily shakes his fist at the audience member

Mitch: you damn smarks. Okay, it actually is Riley, come on down!

Riley runs on stage and gives Ellie a big hug

Ellie: holy shit!, I thought you were never gonna show up

Riley: I'm glad to be here, being dead is so boring

Riley takes the extra seat

Marlene: finally, someone who's on my side

Mitch: sorry, just finished left behind, she ain't a terrorist no more

Joel: why are we sitting like this?

Sarah: and what's with the candles?

Tess: and the wine?

Mitch: well i realized that I had quite a few romance themed questions in stock, and since the last holiday special was the most successful episode so far, it seemed only natural that we would have an early Valentine's Day special. I even made sure to seat the couples together

Bill: what about us?

Mitch: you three are the forever alone table, you wouldn't happen to have an extra seat for me would you?

Sam: what about our table?

Mitch: you three are the love triangle table

Joel: me and Tess ain't a couple

Mitch: actually Joel, I think you are

Joel: are not

Mitch: are too

Joel: are not

Mitch: are too

Joel: are not

Riley whispers to Ellie

Riley: is it always like this?

Ellie: you haven't seen the half of it

Mitch: are too

Joel: are not goddammit!

Tess: can you two stop bickering so we can get on with the show?

Joel: yes ma'am

Mitch: I'm sorry Joel, you're my hero, I didn't mean to upset you, give me a hug

Joel: no

Mitch: okay. A guest wants to ask Maria, do you plan on having kids?

Maria: I don't have any immediate plans, but I haven't put much thought into it, what do you think tommy?

Tommy: I don't think it's safe, for us or the baby

Mitch: may I offer my opinion?, that's a rhetorical question, I will anyway. I think if people stick with tommy's attitude, than there will be no babies, and then humans will be extinct, bet you won't be too proud of yourself then. Also neither of you are getting any younger

Tommy: I just remember it being real tough for Joel when he had Sarah

Joel: I was a high school senior back then, baby brother. Don't you worry about that

Sarah: I wouldn't mind a cousin

Ellie: I'd walk it, and feed it and change its diapers

Tommy sighs

Tommy: can we talk about this after the episode is done?

Maria: sure

Mitch: Makinyoutypemore has a question for Tess. How did you end up with Joel? Was he your beau?

Joel: that don't matter

Tess: Joel I'm perfectly capable of answering my own question. We met when he got a job as a smuggler maybe 10 years ago, we went on a job together and had chemistry so we kept working together, that chemistry transcended the smuggling and we've been on and off since then, off now of course, since I'm dead

Mitch: so I was right all along. next up we have a trio of questions from ELLIERILEYLOVERS,

Ellie, why are you so freaking amazing? I'm jealous. And: what are your true feelings about riley? Were you emotionally or sexually attracted to her?

Ellie: firstly, I was simply born this amazing. Secondly, my true feelings about Riley are something I'm going to have to start thinking about, when I kissed her, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing, I guess a hug just isn't enough sometimes. But to be honest, I think I might like her that way, I guess Tommy and Maria aren't the only ones who are going to have a serious conversation later.

Mitch: Riley, What happened when you and Ellie were both waiting to be infected? More kissing?

Riley: no more kissing, we just talked for a while, I don't remember much of it though

Ellie: we talked about pretty much everything, we thought we were both gonna die, we may as well get some stuff off of our chests. But right when we started talking about the kiss, she turned and attacked me, so I had to shoot her

Mitch: our final question for tonight is for Sam, did you have feelings for Ellie? Or do you now, even if you're a ghost?

Sam: I don't think I had feelings for Ellie, but she seems cool, so maybe I would've developed feelings somewhere down the line if I hadn't gotten infected

Mitch: that's all we have for tonight, but we're gonna end on a high note, Bob, get the karaoke machine

Bob brings in a karaoke machine, Mitch pushes a few buttons and grabs the microphone

Mitch: this is for all you lovely couples

Mitch: caaaaannnnn you feeeeeeeellllll the looooovvveee tonigiiiiiigggghhhhtttt?, the peace the eeevvvveeeening briiiiiinnnnggggsss

The crowd starts booing because they can't understand musical talent when they see it, they even start throwing debris at him, a brick hits the camera and everything goes to static.

AN: God, I love the lion king, best Disney movie in my opinion. But I wrote an authors note for more reasons than to simply inform you of my approval of Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff's masterpiece.

I want to announce that I have finally worked out a schedule, one episode will be released a week on Australian Friday and there will be a bonus episode that I can upload whenever I feel like, from Sunday morning to Saturday night, absolutely anytime during the week.

A few extra notes

This episode probably has the most Easter eggs and references of the whole lot, see if you can spot them all

Who else can't wait for the walking dead season premiere?


	8. Episode 7: Brotherly Love

AN: this is late, but my internet is messed up right now, uploading this was a true test of my patience

Mitch walks onto stage sporting a twirly mustache and a top hat

Mitch: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... Welcome back to the biggest, most amazing, most spectacular show in town, the Miller brothers circus!

Mitch: it's not really a circus, but we do have quite the fine group of circus freaks, otherwise known as my guests, and they will be answering all of your questions. Starting with this one, blargh asks Marlene, you're so stoic sometimes, do you even f***?

A black rectangle appears over Mitch's mouth as he completes the sentence

Marlene: I won't even dignify that with a response

Mitch: but you're supposed to answer all of your questions

Marlene crosses her arms

Marlene: I answered

Mitch: now now young lady, you will answer that question or its off to bed without supper

Marlene: this thing just gets weirder every episode

Mitch: don't blame me, blame our audience. This next question is for tommy from CallMeDave, When you were younger, what kind of brother were you to Joel, and what kind of brother was Joel to you? Any past stories you can tell?

Joel chuckles

Joel: he was quite the little shithead, I'll tell ya that much

Tommy: come on now, you were pretty obnoxious yourself

Joel: how so?

Tommy: back in the day, you'd spend your weekends going out until some ungodly hour in the morning partying with your friends, and you were just an all asshole to me until you heard about Lisa

Joel touches his broken watch

Joel: well for the first ten or so years of your life, you would follow me around everywhere and copy everything I did, you were like a goddamned cockroach, just couldn't get rid of ya

Mitch: you guys should consider yourselves lucky that you both even had a brother, way better than sisters if you ask me. XxxAyakixxX asks Joel, you said you played chess pretty badly; but is that badly good or badly bad? Either way, how do you know how to play chess?

Joel: something our mom tried to do to make us get along better was to enroll us into a chess club. I never got any good because I didn't care much for it, so I was badly bad, the one thing tommy is better than me at

Tommy: and don't you forget it

Mitch: Wolfblood109 has a Joel question, how old were you when you had Sarah

Joel: I was turning 17 that year when I got a text from my girlfriend at the time, telling me she was pregnant. We had to spend our senior year taking care of Sarah and finishing up school, it was not easy

Mitch: if my health teacher going on and on about the dangers and consequences of teen pregnancy for a whole semester didn't turn me away from teenage hibbidy-dibbidy, that would've. It's time for our final question for today, GrammarNazi has a question for everyone, if you could go back to the luxuries of the world before the apocolypse, what would you do?

Joel: I would find the nearest coffee machine and get myself a cup... Or seven

Tess: amen to that, I would kill for some coffee

Tommy: so many options, I would like to use that opportunity to fix up Jackson in some way or another

Maria: same as tommy I think. But if I got to be more selfish, I'd just wanna curl up with a good book

Ellie: well somebody...

Ellie looks at Riley

Ellie: keeps telling me that my Walkman is 100 years old and that my music is shit, so I'd probably check out whatever an iPhone is, but I won't change my 'shitty' music, it's awesome

Bill: I'd find a gun store, take everything that isn't nailed down, and bring it back to my armory

Sarah: if I could go back to the luxuries the world had before all this, I would want to spend more time with my family and friends

Marlene: I'd assemble a new group of scientists to create a cure

Mitch: of course you would, with pre-cordyceps technology, it'd also be a lot easier to get to Ellie's brain wouldn't it?

Marlene: I hope you realize that if there were any other option, I'd take it

Riley: this is a tough one, I once saw an ad in the mall that said 'the turning HD 15th anniversary edition, out now on playstation vita' I'd buy the shit out of that

Mitch: sounds good, we need to have a game night at some point, and it may come sooner than you guys think. But that'll have to wait. we're done here, we will see all you badass readers next time

AN: this chapter was late and rather disappointing to me, so I'm making an early New Years resolution right here and now, I will never, EEEEEEVVVVEEERRR write a chapter under 1000 words again


	9. Episode 8: The Circle Of Life

AN: late chapter is late

The cast is sitting in a the waiting room at a hospital, most of them look on edge, and the ones who aren't are taking naps

Bill: this is so fucking boring

Ellie yawns

Ellie: Joel, how much longer?

Joel: I don't know

Tommy is nervously pacing around the room

Sarah: you need to calm down uncle tommy

Tommy: how can I?, what if something's gone wrong?

Tess: come on, what could possibly go wrong?

Speakers: Nants ingonyama bagithi baba

Tess: oh right, that

Ellie: is the music a good sign?

Joel: if he's going for what I think he is, then yes it is

The doors open as Mitch steps out holding something in his arms, he holds it up and reveals it to be a baby

Speakers: it's the cirrrrrrcle of liiiiiife!

Joel: you gonna wake up and start this or what?

A ninja pokes Mitch with a stick, waking him up, he yawns

Mitch: I am so tired right now

Joel: what were ya dreaming about?

Mitch: oh nothing important. Cookie crush asks Ellie, what kind of books do you read?

Ellie: aside from savage starlight, not much, there isn't a library in Jackson and the only books that I can borrow are boring adult books

Maria: how are they boring?

Ellie: they don't have pictures

Mitch: Derpzaro asks Tess, what's it like being dead?

Tess: I can't remember what it was actually like, all I remember is that it was very boring, but at least I had nothing but boredom left to worry about. I guess I'm alive right now, otherwise I couldn't be here, same goes for the others

Mitch: that's the power of imagination, my tears brought you all back to life. Cass87 asks Tess What were you when the outbreak happened? What did you do for a living?

Tess: I was a college student at the time of the outbreak and had a part time job as a waitress at a coffee shop in Boston

Mitch: coffee shop eh?, now I see what Joel sees in you

Joel chuckles

Joel: that was more of a bonus

Mitch: really?

Joel: yeah, coffee is hard to come by now anyways

Mitch: not when we have it in catering

Joel: is that so?, I'll be right back

Joel gets out of his seat and walks offstage

Mitch: Derpzaro asks Ellie, can you sing?

Ellie picks up a guitar

Ellie: Joel is the singer in our household, but I think I can give it a shot

If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

Everything I have found dear

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed to make this man of me (Ellie is clearly a girl, ignore this line)

All my stolen missing parts I've no need for anymore

I believe and I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days, days of you and me

Back when I was feeling broken

I focused on a prayer, you came deep as in the ocean

Its something I cant hear

All the complexities and games, no one wins but somehow they're still played

All the missing crooked hearts they may die but in us they live on

I believe and I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days, days of you and me

When The hurricanes and cyclones rage

When winds turn dirt into dust

When floods they came and the tides they raised, ever closer became us

All the promises at sundown, I met them like the rest

All the demons used to come round I'm grateful now they've left

So persistent in my ways, Angel I am here to stay

No resistance, no alarms

Please this is just too good to be gone

I believe and I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days, days of you and me

You and me

Days of You and Me

Mitch: that was great

Riley: way to go girl!

Ellie: i had a hell of a teacher, speaking of which, where the fuck is he?

Joel walks back to his seat with a cup of coffee in hand

Joel: I'm back, what'd I miss?

Mitch: you missed Ellie singing

Joel takes a sip of his drink

Joel: you're gonna have to sing for me later

Ellie: not happening

Mitch: here's one from XxxAyakixxX, Everyone, what's your favorite food?

Joel: some of my best memories from before all this included barbecues with my family and friends, so anything barbecue is my favorite

Ellie: have you ever tried pizza?

Mitch: I live and breath, so yes

Ellie: it's fucking amazing

Mitch: agreed

Bill: hmm

Ellie: so much to choose from, huh big guy?

Bill: shut up!, now as for my favorite food, it'd have to be a grilled cheese sandwich

Maria: my favorite is spicy food

Tommy: gotta agree with Joel on barbecue

Sarah: gotta disagree with dad and tommy, my favorite food is lasagna

Marlene: food isn't something that I spend a lot of thought on, it's important, but you can't pick favorites, you have to take what you can get

Mitch: I guess, but what was your favorite food before all this?

Marlene: in that case, pasta

Tess: can't think of anything off the top of my head, but it certainly isn't sardines, I'll tell you that much

Riley: my favorite food would have to be pancakes

Mitch: my favorite food is French fries, thanks for asking

Ellie: well, thanks to everyone for reading-

Mitch: not just yet, i have an announcement, we will have David make a guest appearance next week. Of course, he will not be let loose, he will be completely restrained, imagine that bit where Hannibal Lecter is tied to the Gurney and had the face mask on, times a billion, you may say it now Ellie

Ellie: thanks to everyone for reading this episode of ask them anything: the last of us, make sure to leave a review or private message with some questions, we can guarantee that no question is off limits and every question will be used at some point, good night Internet!

Mitch: well done young grasshopper

AN: to anyone wondering, the song Ellie sings is 'future days' by pearl jam, it was used in the secret scene in the last of us: one night live.

I think something we've all learnt over this story is that I can't stick to a schedule, I hate having to constantly tell you about new schedules because you've got better stuff to do, so here's the new and probably permanent schedule: whenever I don't have a severe case of writers block.

One last thing, anyone know any games that would make a good ask them anything?, just curious


	10. Episode 9: The Dissapointing return

AN: do you have a Playstation 4?, do you want to play last of us multiplayer and other games with yours truly?, then get onto that Playstation 4, look up mitchellelo199 and send a friend request my way, just make sure to tell me you're from here

Mitch confidently struts onto the stage to no fanfare

Mitch: my beloved audience, please hold your applause

No one was applauding anything

Mitch: well, it is now time for us to bring out everybody's favorite cannibal, David

Two heavily armed security guards push along a gurney with David on it, he has been strapped into it very tight and has a bite mask covering his face, and because it's better to be safe than sorry, he is also wearing a strait jacket

Mitch: let's not waste any time here, this guy gives me the creeps, so here is our first question-

Ellie: can you wait a second?

Mitch: alright

Ellie gets up and kicks David in the shin, he howls in pain

Ellie: you may continue

Mitch: ELLIERILEYLOVERS has the first question for David, why are you so f***ing sick? And were you trying to r*** Ellie?

A censor bar appears over Mitch's mouth as he announces the two obscenities

David: hmph, argh, grrrgh

Mitch: oh my, it appears his bite mask is a little too tight and I can't be bothered loosening it, but I think I might be able to translate for him, can you repeat that Davey boy?

David: hmph, argh, grrgh

Mitch: David says that he is not sick, despite all of the cannibalism, he has a clean bill of health. And about Ellie, he claims he was tenderizing the meat, wow, that is really creepy Davey boy

David: rrrr

Mitch: David also told me to never call him Davey boy again or he'll turn me into soylent green

Mitch: Cass87 asks Joel, What was your reaction when you found out that you were going to be a father?

Joel: it wasn't pretty, my girlfriend and I had been on bad terms and I reckon I may have broken up with her soon if she hadn't told me she about the pregnancy, we argued for hours over what we were gonna do with the baby, of course I'm glad that we decided to keep it, because Sarah is the one thing I ever got right in my life

Mitch: don't beat yourself up, you Definitely got the beard right

Joel: that too

Mitch: from a Guest, David, Why are into teen girls and what makes Ellie "special"? What will you do if you have met Joel? Where's Henry?

David: blargh, urgh, zargh

Mitch: David says something very disturbing about teenage girls that I can't say with this rating. He says if Joel got in his way, he'd have him butchered right in front of Ellie, now I highly doubt that, I reckon this guy

Mitch points at Joel

Mitch: would put David's nose where his ear used to be, and choke him to death with his own hair

Joel: you're goddamn right

Mitch: and lastly, David asks me who Henry is, well I'm not going to tell you David, but I will tell all of you reading that I honestly didn't think Henry was popular or interesting or important enough to be a regular panelist, perhaps a guest appearance down the road if he gets enough fanfare

Mitch: our next question is also from a Guest, Joel, what was childhood like?

Joel: that's not very specific, but I'll try to answer anyway. Childhood was fairly normal for me, I did okay in school, had guitar lessons every Monday afternoon, went hunting with tommy and our dad every month before he fell off the wagon, pretty uneventful

Mitch: our final question comes from Wolfblood109, Sarah, what was it like to have to shop with your dad?

Sarah: well like just about everything else, we would often disagree over what to buy, unless it was coffee, love of coffee seems to run in the family

Mitch: it appears so. I think it is time for a new tradition ladies and gentlemen, at the end of the episode, I will ask YOU a question, how about that?. Anyway, our first question for the readers is what is your favorite video game that isn't the last of us? So many choices for me, there's bioshock infinite, mass effect 2, final fantasy 7, the uncharted series and the walking dead series, I'll have to say a tie between all of those. Good night everybody

AN: I am unhappy with this episode, a month or two and this is what I come up with? It's not even 1000 words as promised, I'm really not cut out for this


	11. Episode 10: clip show (just kidding)

AN: sorry for another chapter taking a while and being kinda short, but I've come to the conclusion that this story is better off without me inserting a bunch of unnecessary words to make it longer, I'll be starting school holidays tomorrow so I'll have much more time on my hands to write more of this and maybe some new stories while I'm at it

Mitch: beloved audience, we've finally made it. We are at 10 episodes, such a massive milestone means we must have a clip show

The crowd boos and starts throwing stuff at him

Mitch: hey! I was only kidding

He picks up a hot dog that was thrown at him and begins eating it

Mitch: The first question of our milestone episode is from Derpzaro, Riley, do you love Ellie, or do you strongly care about her?

Riley: honestly, I do care about Ellie a lot

Mitch: can you elaborate on that?

?: actually she can't, I'm not good at this romantic stuff

Mitch: who was that?

?: the writer

Mitch: I thought we were the same person

?: we aren't, Mitch isn't my name, you're an OC

Mitch: well I'm going to move on from being called a fictional character by asking our next question, from CT230R to Joel,Why didn't you borrow Ellie's invincible switchblade instead of using shivs?

Joel: because the switchblade is slower and takes several more hits to kill infected, shivs are faster, they can double as lockpicks and are usually instant kills

Mitch: the man knows his stuff, or at least the last of us wiki does, Wolfblood109 asks Ellie, do you know your dads name?

Ellie: I know fuck all about my dad, I guess he must've been another firefly, do you know my dad's name Marlene?

Marlene: sorry, I don't, your mother was pretty private when it came to your father

Mitch: next question is from PokGirlBlue, asking Joel: What was your most memorable moment when you and Ellie traveled to go find the fireflies? And what was your most memorable moment with Tess?

Joel: there's a lot to think about there, most of the moments during our journey were bad, and some of them downright traumatic, but a few of them good, like when we saw the herd of giraffes in Salt Lake City, that would be my most memorable moment from that. As for Tess, probably New York City

Mitch: what happened in New York City?

Joel: nothing you should be concerning yourself with

Mitch: from a guest, to everyone except for Ellie, Riley and Sam, what was ya'll favorite tv show?

Joel: my favorite tv show was Breaking bad, The writing and acting was superb, especially from Bryan Cranston. It was supposed to end a few days after the outbreak, so that sucked

Tommy: Dexter, also for the writing and acting. It ended only a few days before the outbreak, and let's just say the ending left more than a little to be desired, so it was a pretty shit week in general

Tommy chuckles

Sarah: adventure time, unlike your average kids show, adventure time had continuity, great characters and settings and wasn't afraid to get serious every now and then, dad liked it too

Mitch: a closet adventure time fan are you Joel?

Joel shrugs

Mitch: can't say I blame you, I am too

Maria: the walking dead, because Daryl (AN: same here)

Mitch: Derle!

Marlene: I didn't watch very much tv, but I did like South Park, because it was so ridiculous

Bill: television was a waste of time, I put my time into more useful endeavors

Mitch: such as?

Bill: does it fucking matter?

Mitch: it might

Tess: my favorite show was community, because it was a very surreal and funny show that didn't try to teach you something

Mitch: this chapters question would have been what is your favorite tv show, but I recently finished attack on Titan and I'm much more interested to find out if you watch that, so do you watch attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin, if you have, good for you, if you haven't, what are you waiting for? Do it now!


End file.
